Posted by: Rex Boyles | September 2, 2007

I am a sinner …

My name is Rex, and I am a sinner. When I say that I am a sinner, I do not mean that in just some theological – religious – spiritual sense; I mean, I sinned. I broke God’s Law, betrayed my vows, and violated the sanctity of another’s vows. I committed adultery. Even now – over seven years later – I feel the shame of it; and every day I live conscious of at least some of the consequences of my sinful and shameful behavior. I blame no one but myself and refuse to forgive myself. I yearn to know (completely) the forgiveness and assurance of the Father; but I do not expect anyone – especially those that I hurt and the church I damaged – to forgive me. My heart aches at times, when others – not directly involved – make sure that I am “put in my place”; but I have no real complaint, because I deserved to be stoned to death. (Anything less than that I count as grace.)   I want to believe that before my shame was broadcast (or at least emailed) around the world, I was a friend to sinners. I was in college when I first remember reading that about Jesus, and I wanted to be like Him. Whether I was a friend to sinners back then or not, I will make no claim. But I am a friend to sinners now – not nearly as good as Jesus was (and is) about it; but I intend to be just like Jesus in that way … noticing a lonely and lost man, who others ignore … defending a shameful and ashamed woman, who others condemn … befriending a broken and bruised brother, who others (and even himself) have given up on. 

P.S. I thank God for Dennis and Theresa Wilson, who were (and are still) friends to this sinner. In the early days of my shame they took me out to eat (Carino’s); they asked no questions – expressed no shame – just reminded me that they loved me. They loved me – in spite of what I had done – and still do. Would you please thank God with me for them? If you would, please send them a note to remind them that they are loved by you too. dennis@ciudaddeangeles.org>

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: